Let Go and Let God

These are words that I continuously learn to live by everyday especially now that I’m facing one of the biggest changes and well also one of the most crazy yet fun adventures in my life ever. 

Knowing me and how unsure I still am of almost everything coming at me, I can’t help but doubt on one of the biggest decisions I had to make and well also afraid of the uncertainty of what lies ahead. Whenever I questioned the choices I made or feared the unexpected, my mom would continuously share this phrase to me over and over again to remind me that I can’t force things to happen and that everything falls into place in God’s perfect time. Just like my spontaneous eye surgery and how it worked wonders, I was made to believe that I was given a second chance to see the authenticity and beauty that the world can offer.

So with the continuous encouragement from my family, friends and (to my surprise) my inner self, I chose the path to try something out of the ordinary, and to simply explore, discover and experience the world in another perspective.  I'm taking a leap of faith, a risk I was afraid to take before but I’m now willing to experience.

I decided to TRY out life abroad. 

I’m excited, scared and well honestly just full of emotions. I know it seems like a surprise because I used to brush the idea off immediately but there were just these days and moments when life hit me hard (excuse the expression) and I got to understand myself more. I realized things that I want to do and also ways on how I want to strengthen myself and my goals. 

To be honest, I’m still lost- not knowing what really is meant for me. All I’m sure of is that I’d like to continuously inspire people, to own businesses with a purpose and to give back to those in need and to those who made my life amazing as it is already. I also learned that I want to create stories, to endlessly wander, to live through experiences and to simply be me in all that I am. I want to make my life more interesting with a balance of thrills while also having some constant comfort. Seems so general right? But I realized that I need to invest more time on experiences and things beyond my limits to understand myself more and to know what I want to do... so I took the opportunity to live in a new a country, to hopefully meet new friends and to experience new traditions and cultures. I’m headed out to The Big Apple. Why now? Well, because honestly why not?! 

 I’m sure the first thing in mind would be that I’m following my sisters foot steps which could be half true but it’s more than just that, it’s my inner voice telling me to try out something new with no regrets and to gradually make my own dreams into a reality [and what better place to let dreams come true than in the city of dreams itself] Unlike my siblings, I’m not migrating for good. For now, I just want to try and experience the lifestyle of being abroad whether it’s meant for me or not. Being in a fast-paced city full of different people, beliefs and stories, I know is new but I know I'm going to learn a lot even if I’m still scared to try. I know I'll be able to activate new skills while also being independent— something I wanted to do but I’m not used to since I’m the youngest. I know this path will be difficult, easier said than done, but it’s worth a shot.

So what’s the plan? There isn’t anything specific. Just like what my mom said, it’s time to let go and to let God. I just know what I want to do but I’m not putting a specific deadline. I’d like to cross off items in my to do-list, to take short courses if there are interesting ones, to observe thriving businesses and to at least work to get enough experience needed for me to grow better. I also want to earn and save enough money even if it means doing the most random jobs to make the dreams come true. I’d like to believe that i’ll be hitting two birds in one stone- investing time on experiences while getting to personally grow. I know it won’t be easy that’s why I’m not giving a timeline for this trip. I’m offering this up and just seeing where everything goes. Also, I’m lucky to be a citizen which I truly believe is a hidden blessing so I’d rather take chances than to make it a wasted opportunity. 

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just all fun, it’s more of taking the next steps to learn, experience and grow. It’s getting to understand myself more deeply while also experiencing moments of a lifetime. It might sound too confusing and I apologize. It might seem like an Eat, Pray, Love kind of thing which isn’t all just that. I guess it’s simply just giving time for me to get to know myself more, to allow me to experience things I’ve never ever encountered before and to just be in a zone where I can independently work hard for all my dreams and goals. I do hope I also get to strengthen my core throughout the whole journey. I want to learn to be more confident and content with everything while also staying true to myself. 
To be honest, I’m really excited for my trip especially for the new people I might meet, the experiences that I’ll get and the seasons I'll fully get to experience - FALL and WINTER. It’s going to be hella amazing. With the Autumn feels and Christmas cheers, I just can’t wait for all the new stories and memories. 

This “spontaneous” trip is actually more special than it already seems. It'll start with a month long vacation with my siblings, cousin and friends which I’m gladly looking forward to. I’ve gone on a family trip 4 years ago, a “solo" trip two years ago and might have done all the tourist-y things possible but I won’t regret sharing and doing these again with the people I know and love. 

Also, aside from NYC we’ll be heading out to FLORIDA soon which is of course theme park heaven. The last time I’ve ever been to Disney World and Universal Studios in the States was 15 years ago so I’m prepared to ugly cry and to cherish every moment. It’ll also be my first encounter with the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I'm pretty stoked. 

To be honest, it just sinked in right now (as I am writing this) that I actually did it. I’m doing something unexpected, spontaneous and crazy. It’ll be a fresh start.

Anyway I know my thoughts are scattered now and I apologize. I just really wanted to share with you guys this moment cause it’s a big deal. To  understand its gravity, here are things that I learned throughout the decision process that might be of help to you too: 

1. Family ends with -ILY for a reason and that is to stand for I love you. 
I’m so lucky to be part of a family who supports passions, goals and dreams. I can’t count the number of times I cried just coming up to the final decision of leaving. I continously felt doubt, guilt, confusion, excitement all at once since I knew it was a big step to take and that it would be of a high cost. Despite all that, my family just constantly supported and encouraged me to go for it and to try it out. I was only reminded on the fact that it’s better to try things than to live with regret. SO I DID IT and I couldn’t be more grateful. I owe this trip and everything to my family who are the best individuals ever. I love them too much. They really go out of their way to share their love and happiness with me which I hope to give back somedays. 

2. To “try" is to choose to live your life with no regret. 
I won’t deny the fact that there are numerous times  in the past when I failed to try things out and I regretted not being able to do them in the present. I didn’t want this to happen again so I did it, I’m trying out something new, big and different. Honestly, it’s better to try something you’ve always wanted to do or feared of doing, NOW than NEVER cause at the end of the day it’s better to say “ I did it" than "I regret not doing it.” It makes life more fun, fulfilling and interesting. 

3. To make things work out even with yourself, requires effort. 
Never give up cause of time, pressure, or fear. Put the effort needed to push yourself to do the things you want to do or to be the person you want to be. At the end of day, it’s all on you. 

4. Sometimes, making mistakes is good. 
When I shared my trip to one of my professors, she mentioned to me and my friends the value of making mistakes. Not that it’s a good thing, but it’s actually a great thing to learn from. Instead of seeing the negatives in mistakes and placing obstacles before doing something amazing, it’s time to see the positives. Never allow mistakes to scare you. It might hurt or break you but it shouldn’t be the end of the world. 

5. Let go of controlling things and just learn to love each moment. 

I’m a victim of having things always set into place. I’m used to the pressure of having things immediately done or for things to happen the way it should be. I won’t deny it but I constantly worry about the decision of trying it out abroad. I’ve never stopped doubting so instead of bothering myself with it, I’m always reminded to just let go and appreciate every moment.

6. Acknowledge your inner voice than just letting it be. 
Sometimes, we just need to trust our gut .Whatever it is- good or bad, at least you proved to yourself that “what is” and “what was” is meant or not meant for you. At least, you did something. 

7. When you're lost, you'll soon be found.
This applies to you and me. We may feel unsure of everything that comes our way but I learned that we shouldn't worry. Sooner or later when we learn to love ourselves and understand ourselves more, we'll find ourselves the luckiest and the happiest in the world. 

8. Sugar and spice are the ingredients of life! 
Life is worthwhile when you have a balance of sweet and spice. Life isn’t perfect and it will never be. It’s the good and bad stories and experiences we go through and share that makes life more interesting. So don’t be afraid to take risks- there will always be good and bad things that’ll come out of it. It’s just a matter of learning and appreciating them cause they make you better. 

If you ask me, I  am currently overwhelmed and I can’t wait for the journey ahead. I am really going to miss my family and friends who have never failed to show their support since the very start. 

You guys truly amazing individuals and I know a lot of good things are coming your way. To everyone who believed in me and supported me, Thank you! You guys worked wonders. I will forever be grateful. 

Here’s to new stories and experiences for all us to enjoy and share! You never know I might be back by early next year or maybe even in two years time but then again at the end of the day, it’s the fact that I tried and will not regret anything at all. 

Also, here's a little pocket reminder I wanted to share with everyone cause I know that there are times when we forget our purpose and we need that extra support to keep us going everyday. I hope this helps and I'll see you all soon. 

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